I’ve been hearing a lot about “Antifa” lately. Well, let me tell you about Antifa.
Antifa is a ten-foot-tall, two-ton son of a bitch who could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing!
Did I ever tell you about the time I went horseback riding with Antifa, but there weren’t any horses around? Well, Antifa throws a saddle on my back and rides me around Wyoming for three days. Well, wouldn’t you know it, my stamina increases with each day and I develop tremendous leg muscles. So anyway, Antifa decides to enter me in the Breeders’ Cup, right, under the name Turkish Delight. And I’m running in second place, and I’m running and I break my ankle! They’re about to shoot me. Then someone from the crowd yells out, God bless him, ‘Don’t shoot him, he’s a human.’”
Antifa is a son of a bitch! He would eat a homeless person if you dared him!
I went camping with Antifa … I’m in the back of a pickup with Antifa and a live deer. Well, Antifa, he grabs the deer by the antlers, looks at it and says, ‘I’m Antifa! Say it!’ Then he squeezes the deer in such a way that a sound comes out of its mouth — “Annifa!” It wasn’t exactly it, but it was pretty good for a deer.
I once saw Antifa scissor-kick Angela Lansbury.
Did I ever tell you about the time Antifa was in a production of ‘The King and I’? On opening night, Antifa chloroformed the entire cast and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The production got pretty good reviews.
Antifa sheds its skin once a year.
Did I ever tell you about the time Antifa went hunting? He decides he’s going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machette. They all begged for their lives…except Fleagle.
Oh, wait. My mistake. That was Bill Brasky.
“Antifa” is the latest right wing boogeyman. It got a Wikipedia page on August 8, 2017, following an Atlantic article by Peter Beinhart on August 7, 2017. But, judging by right-wingers casting about for false equivalence to Klansmen, Nazis, and Confederate sympathizers, Antifa is legion.
I’m happy to condemn violence as a political tool. Here: “Violence should not be condoned as a political tool.” But it’s not a deep concern for pacifism that motivates the Antifa panic. It’s a desire to always focus on how bad liberals are.
Let’s not pretend there is any equivalency between a movement that didn’t even rate a Wikipedia page last month and movements that have plagued our country for a century and more. At one point in the 1920s, the Klan counted something like 1/3 of white protestant Hoosier men as members. Confederate monuments erupted over the Jim Crow south in public spaces as a way of demonstrating who was in control. Nazis killed 6 million Jews in the Holocaust and embroiled the world in a war that would kill about 60 million people. Condemning the Nazis, the Klan, and the Confederates isn’t based on a desire to focus on how bad conservatives are — at least it shouldn’t be.
It should be dead easy for conservatives to join in the chorus of unequivocal condemnation for history’s assholes. And for many it is. George H.W. Bush spoke out against David Duke in 1991, and he and his son spoke out against the Charlottesville groups today. That’s what makes Trump’s hesitation so confounding. This should be a softball for any public leader. Trump is not a man known for weighing his words. The fact that he hesitates to condemn these guys tells you what you need to know about how he views them.